What Makes A Person Your Friend vs Your Acquaintance?

Have you ever thought about what makes a person your friend? What makes you a friend? What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? I recently began thinking about the types of friendships that I have in my life and the value that each of them holds.

The reality of friendships is that there is a hierarchy, even if we don’t like to admit it. Yes, the word friend is overused as much as the words toxic and narcissist. However, I get it. It sounds harsh to introduce someone as an acquaintance. We also live in a society where people-pleasing is the norm. The word friend is used synonymously to describe a person that we are cool with as well as the people we consider as friends.

However, not all friendships are created equal. Again, that is not a negative thing. If I referred to every person that I met as my friend that would signal a lack of boundaries in my life. It would also cheapen the friendships that I value as sacred. Taking into consideration how the word friend is normally used, I will use it to describe all levels of friendship. Even though there are different levels of friendships, all of them matter.

The Friendship Hierarchy

My friendship hierarchy ranks my friendships from most important to least important, noting that they all hold value.

• Family That I Consider Friends
  • Blood is thicker than water. However, how awesome is it to have family members that you choose as friends? I have family members that I genuinely love being around and the fact that they are family is an added bonus of the friendship!
• Best Friends/Friends That Are Like Family
  • Best friends are that special group of friends that seem like siblings or cousins. They are family. We laugh together, we cry together and we grow together. Ha! That sounds like a line out of the movie Bad Boys. I have these friends on speed dial and I would not be who I am without them.
• Good Friends
  • Good friends are the friends that either have been in my life for years or it seems as if they have. I always have fun when I am with them. Even though we may not talk often, we always pick up where we left off.
• Strong Associates
  • Strong associates are the friends that know me as I currently am. They don’t know the backstory of how I became the person I am today. They only know who I currently am or who I have become since knowing them. These friends would most likely say, “I didn’t know that!” if I were to tell a story about my past.
• Associates and Acquaintances
  • Associates and Acquaintances are friends I only communicate with on social media, at events, or at work. They most likely don’t have my phone number.

The Back Story

The back story to why I began thinking about the different types of friendships I have: I am currently in the market for a new home. I have several family members and friends that are real estate agents; each of them great at what they do for a number of reasons. This is not my first time buying a home. Based on my network I already knew who I would use as my real estate agent when I was ready to begin my search.

Over the years I have had different family and friends make the pitch to ‘keep them in mind when I’m ready to buy’. And I have. However, ultimately only one person could win the position. If winning is what you want to call it.

A friend, that I would put in the strong associate category was offended and upset that I did not use her to be my real estate agent. She has made the pitch over the years and I have always been honest that I planned to use someone else. It wasn’t a dramatic revelation that she was upset. It was actually very passive-aggressive. I noticed that she de-friended me on social media shortly after I made a post about house hunting. When I realized it, I chucled!

Assumptions We Make In Our Friendships

Unfortunately, this friend has overestimated our friendship, knows little to nothing about who my real estate agent is or why I chose them, and made assumptions that led to hurt feelings on her end. It honestly was not a slight that I did not choose her. However, I was never allowed to explain my reasons; and I should not have to.

As a business owner or entrepreneur should a friendship automatically mean you should win their business? Not necessarily. One of my best friends is a physician, yet she is not my physician. She is also not the physician of her husband or her children. Some of my friends are massage therapists. I have gone to them for a massage, but because we know each other we spent the entire time talking like we always do. I use massages as relaxation and I have found that it is best if I don’t personally know my massage therapist. However, I do recommend them to my other friends in need of a massage therapist.

I believe there are several different ways that you can support your friends and their endeavors. If my friends are selling something, most likely I have made a purchase. Raising money for a cause? Most likely I have made a donation. If my friends make a promotional post on social media, most likely I have shared it. I use the words most likely because I am human and sometimes I overlook things.

Friend Or Associate?

There is nothing wrong with being an acquaintance. Just like the circle of life, different types of friendships have a purpose. My closest friends can tell you a lot about me, even if they have not known me all of my life. My acquaintances know things about me, but not a lot of the important details.

In this case, my friend cannot tell you key details about me. For instance, she cannot tell you my middle name, the names of my parents, the names of my siblings, where I went to college, what I majored in, where I work, what I do for a living, where I currently live, or my birthday (without receiving a friendly reminder from Facebook).

This friend is also not the only family member or friend that I have in the industry and she certainly is not as close to me as some of them. Yet, her sense of entitlement and the assumption that I should have chosen her is real. She is not alone when it comes to this mindset. I too am guilty of feeling that my friends should do certain things based on how I view our friendship.

Are genuine friendships based on entitlement and assumptions? Is someone your friend if they don’t agree with you or if they make decisions you don’t agree with? Can someone consider themselves your friend if they don’t know certain details about you? Are you obligated to use the services of friends? If you have multiple friends that provide the same service, how do you decide who to use? Sound off in the comments below and let me know your thoughts!