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What Makes A Person Your Friend vs Your Acquaintance?
Have you ever thought about what makes a person your friend? What makes you a friend? What is the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? I recently began thinking about the types of friendships that I have in my life and the value that each of them holds.
The reality of friendships is that there is a hierarchy, even if we don’t like to admit it. Yes, the word friend is overused as much as the words toxic and narcissist. However, I get it. It sounds harsh to introduce someone as an acquaintance. We also live in a society where people-pleasing is the norm. The word friend is used synonymously to describe a person that we are cool with as well as the people we consider as friends.
However, not all friendships are created equal. Again, that is not a negative thing. If I referred to every person that I met as my friend that would signal a lack of boundaries in my life. It would also cheapen the friendships that I value as sacred. Taking into consideration how the word friend is normally used, I will use it to describe all levels of friendship. Even though there are different levels of friendships, all of them matter.
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The Friendship Hierarchy
My friendship hierarchy ranks my friendships from most important to least important, noting that they all hold value.
- Family That I Consider Friends
- Blood is thicker than water. However, how awesome is it to have family members that you choose as friends? I have family members that I genuinely love being around and the fact that they are family is an added bonus of the friendship!
- Best Friends/Friends That Are Like Family
- Best friends are that special group of friends that seem like siblings or cousins. They are family. We laugh together, we cry together and we grow together. Ha! That sounds like a line out of the movie Bad Boys. I have these friends on speed dial and I would not be who I am without them.
- Good Friends
- Good friends are the friends that either have been in my life for years or it seems as if they have. I always have fun when I am with them. Even though we may not talk often, we always pick up where we left off.
- Strong Associates
- Strong associates are the friends that know me as I currently am. They don’t know the backstory of how I became the person I am today. They only know who I currently am or who I have become since knowing them. These friends would most likely say, “I didn’t know that!” if I were to tell a story about my past.
- Associates and Acquaintances
- Associates and Acquaintances are friends I only communicate with on social media, at events, or at work. They most likely don’t have my phone number.
The Back Story
The back story to why I began thinking about the different types of friendships I have: I am currently in the market for a new home. I have several family members and friends that are real estate agents; each of them great at what they do for a number of reasons. This is not my first time buying a home. Based on my network I already knew who I would use as my real estate agent when I was ready to begin my search.
Over the years I have had different family and friends make the pitch to ‘keep them in mind when I’m ready to buy’. And I have. However, ultimately only one person could win the position. If winning is what you want to call it.
A friend, that I would put in the strong associate category was offended and upset that I did not use her to be my real estate agent. She has made the pitch over the years and I have always been honest that I planned to use someone else. It wasn’t a dramatic revelation that she was upset. It was actually very passive-aggressive. I noticed that she de-friended me on social media shortly after I made a post about house hunting. When I realized it, I chucled!
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Assumptions We Make In Our Friendships
Unfortunately, this friend has overestimated our friendship, knows little to nothing about who my real estate agent is or why I chose them, and made assumptions that led to hurt feelings on her end. It honestly was not a slight that I did not choose her. However, I was never allowed to explain my reasons; and I should not have to.
As a business owner or entrepreneur should a friendship automatically mean you should win their business? Not necessarily. One of my best friends is a physician, yet she is not my physician. She is also not the physician of her husband or her children. Some of my friends are massage therapists. I have gone to them for a massage, but because we know each other we spent the entire time talking like we always do. I use massages as relaxation and I have found that it is best if I don’t personally know my massage therapist. However, I do recommend them to my other friends in need of a massage therapist.
I believe there are several different ways that you can support your friends and their endeavors. If my friends are selling something, most likely I have made a purchase. Raising money for a cause? Most likely I have made a donation. If my friends make a promotional post on social media, most likely I have shared it. I use the words most likely because I am human and sometimes I overlook things.
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Friend Or Associate?
There is nothing wrong with being an acquaintance. Just like the circle of life, different types of friendships have a purpose. My closest friends can tell you a lot about me, even if they have not known me all of my life. My acquaintances know things about me, but not a lot of the important details.
In this case, my friend cannot tell you key details about me. For instance, she cannot tell you my middle name, the names of my parents, the names of my siblings, where I went to college, what I majored in, where I work, what I do for a living, where I currently live, or my birthday (without receiving a friendly reminder from Facebook).
This friend is also not the only family member or friend that I have in the industry and she certainly is not as close to me as some of them. Yet, her sense of entitlement and the assumption that I should have chosen her is real. She is not alone when it comes to this mindset. I too am guilty of feeling that my friends should do certain things based on how I view our friendship.
Are genuine friendships based on entitlement and assumptions? Is someone your friend if they don’t agree with you or if they make decisions you don’t agree with? Can someone consider themselves your friend if they don’t know certain details about you? Are you obligated to use the services of friends? If you have multiple friends that provide the same service, how do you decide who to use? Sound off in the comments below and let me know your thoughts!
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4 Comments
Queen
I ran into that similar situation when buying my home in 2009. A good friend of mine had just started working in real estate, but part time. I tried to work with them and only thing they wanted to show me were homes close to them, complain about my budget that I prefer to stay in regardless of what I got approved for, and I prefer to stay in a certain area. Which I ultimately stop discussing the home buying process with them and ended up finding a realtor that found my house in less than a month, within my budget. From that I learned certain times you have to do what’s best for you and your sanity when making a major purchase regardless of the friendship. Sometimes friends tend not to be professional because they feel as if you will understand.
As far as acquaintances I totally agree with you. I’ve always stated if neither of us have ever been privileged to sit in each other’s home, know my cell number, or can tell me something that’s important to me then you can’t assume that you are someone’s friend. Social media has caused some people to be lazy about friendship. If you want to truly carry a title of someone’s FRIEND you have to be invested in their life.
Donyetta
You’re spot on! Sometimes friends and business don’t mix. And not being “best friends” with someone isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
LaMonica
I don’t have alot of “friends”. Friend is a covenant word and not everyone I know is my friend. As a woman in business I don’t go business with people based on our relationship. Your product and service needs to meet the same standards I would have for someone that I didn’t know. My money is valuable and I don’t sow in into your business just because you offer that service/product.
Donyetta
I feel the same way, LaMonica. We overuse the word friend. I’m guilty of it when I’m introducing someone because I can’t think of another word that sounds as warm. I think it’s great if your family and friends have a product or service that you love. But if they don’t, I believe there are other ways to support them on their journey. I’ve even learned that with my endeavors. Not all of my friends watch my YouTube videos or read my blog. It doesn’t mean they don’t support me, it may be that they aren’t my target market or my material (makeup, hair, etc.) is not useful to them.